Today’s the day! The day that Melvin has the greatest chance of fulfilling his greatest wish: messing around in the cuddle carts at the pier after the Prom Fall Ball! But first, let’s say happy birthday to Melvin’s sister, Maureen.
Karen has to be coaxed to make the cake, which, yeah, that tracks. Maureen is possibly the most neglected sim child in all of my save files the multiverse. Do we know anything about her other than “has Voidcritters?” No, Reader, we do not.
Everything about Maureen is a surprise, including the fact that Melonica just stopped by for her birthday? Maureen, what are you up to while I am spending all day with Melvin?
So Maureen ages up and she’s kind of cool—way cooler than Melvin can ever hope to be, that’s for sure—and she’s going to go to the same high school as Melvin. What if she easily befriends the popular kids? What if Johnny Five or Tyrone or *shudders* Handsome Chad wants to date her?
Actually, Melvin…
I don’t think you’ll have to worry…
about that.
Well! Maureen and Melonica are getting along like a house afire, and it is now time for the Fall Ball!
Melvin finds Minerva by the voting booth, casting her vote for Class Jester. She looks lovely in the purple dress Melvin gifted her. Still no shoes though.
They slow dance.
They take a photo in the photo booth together.
Minerva doesn’t seem as into him as she was when they went to the thrift store. In fact, she just can’t seem to wait to get away from Melvin so she can cut a very awkward rug out on the dance floor.
Melvin follows suit. “Minerva, look. Look at me,” Melvin says in the manner of a toddler, while trying to imitate Minerva’s dance. “Look at me!”
But alas—she seems to be neck deep in conversation with—with Cassie Goth? What treachery is this? Is there some sort of plot afoot, with Melvin at the center?
Even Becky and Malcolm look like they’re in on the joke. Is everyone laughing at him? Is that why Minerva asked him to the Fall Ball in the first place—as a joke? Is their whole relationship a joke?
But no. Becky, Malcolm, Minerva, and Cassie were just reacting to the election of Stacy as Queen of the Fall Ball, and Johnny Five as Court Jester.
The principal seems quite drunk. Careful there, principal. Do not touch the teenagers.
Everyone begins to leave, But Melvin catches Minerva and tries to make a flirty joke. “Did it hurt when you fell?” Melvin asks.
“My physical body is a construct,” says Minerva. “As such, pain is immaterial.”
“When you fell from heaven,” dies on Melvin’s lips. Big oof, guy. Maybe get some pointers from your sis. She doesn’t seem to have any issues with the ladies.
“Incoming transmission,” says Minerva.
“You mean a text?”
“Do we desire to go to the pier?”
Yes, Melvin does want to go to Plumbite Pier That’s where the Cuddle Carts are, after all. So, Reader, that’s where they went. Curiously, all the other teens leave the pier after giving Johnny Five a healthy round of applause for his Crown Jester award. Did they know they didn’t have to travel all that way? Probably not; they are sims, after all.
But that suits Melvin just fine, because it is now time to put Operation Get Some Cuddle Cart Action into motion. He starts by showing Minerva his muscles, because all chicks dig muscles, right? That’s girls for you, always going for the muscle-bound meathead instead of a nice guy like him. Wait—is he the nice guy or the meathead here?
Just—never mind. Just show off those arms.
“I can send you a shirtless pic if you want,” says Melvin. Hope springs eternal. Will she appreciate the gun show?
All signs point to…
No.
Hey, Melvin? Remember that time you spent getting to know Minerva at her place? You know, as an individual? An individual who likes *checks notes* Fang flower, not muscles. I suppose not. This is the problem, isn’t it? Every time you got someone you think might like you, you forget everything you know about them and rely on stereotypes of feeeeeemales to guide you. And then you wonder why you get bad results.
Remember, you are trying to make a connection with a fellow being, not checking off boxes in a dating simulator.
Minerva keeps shutting him down. “I believe I hear my clutch-mates calling,” she says.
“No you can’t,” Melvin says. “And what are clutch-mates?”
“Sisters,” Minerva says evenly. “My pollinator brethren. But I must go.”
“That’s it?” Melvin asks, incredulous. “You’re lying. We didn’t even ride the Cuddle Carts! Why won’t you ride the Cuddle Carts with me? Is it because I’m too nice?”
“No,” Minerva says. “You have not brought me a Fang flower. But even if you had, I have deemed you unworthy of pollination, Melvin Burden. You simply do not meet the requirements.”
“Salutations.”
“How can you leave me like this? After all we’ve been through, you owe—“
Melvin, you do know what a pollination technician from Sixam does, right? Right?
Reader, you must know that I queued up several actions for Melvin to perform for Minerva, and none of them came from the “friendly” category. And yet, they hovered in his action queue for a moment—and disappeared. To be replaced by…
…this. Melvin refused to give into anger and went ice skating instead.
Is this character growth? A new-found love of the winter Olympics? Will Melvin find fulfillment in other hobbies?
There is but one sim-week left before he ages up.
Delinquent Sims 